Renewal: First Step

It has been a long time (almost two years) since I've written anything on this blog. It has been challenging mentally and emotionally to think about the process and experiences we have been through and its associated outcomes. After delaying the second transfer attempt, we ended up having a large financial responsibility that made it unfeasible to continue at that time. Additionally, the fertility center we were working with was very challenging to coordinate with and have complete and accurate information. We were connected with a new center and our single remaining embryo has been transferred there for storage should we want to attempt again in the future. If we do pursue that, it would be like starting from the beginning. 

I'm writing now to update everyone on our current endeavor. Last summer, we looked into the potential to foster to adopt. I personally am adopted and this was always an avenue that we thought about pursuing but did not initially for a multitude of reasons, i.e mentors talking negative aspects, risk of starting the process and becoming attached to a child only for the process to be reversed, and just the implications of adopting a child from foster care meaning that they lost their initial family and although we would be growing ours, it means that reunification, the primary goal of foster care, was not successful. Additionally, there's a lot of mixed emotions about the fact that we started with the gestational carrier process and are now switching to potentially foster to adopt. There's a self-perception, and potentially an external perception, that this is our second choice or a back-up option. Personally, I don't care about the perception, but I do wonder how that perception may impact a child we may adopt should they learn of the initial attempt at gestational carrier. Will the pivot make them feel as though we didn't get what we wanted, and they were a consolation? If after adopting a child should we pursue use of our remaining embryo, would that make the adopted child feel as though they weren't good enough? 

On 5/25/2023 we attended an in-person informational session at Wentworth Library in St. Paul with Evolve. They're an adoption agency that partners with the county to find appropriate permanency placements. There were two social workers/adoption specialists along with a program coordination/admin who presented the information. What we liked about Evolve as an agency is their mission to improve the system by working towards anti-oppressive, trauma-informed, and youth-focused adoption. The presenters were passionate and are clearly experts in their field. I'm always humbled when entering spaces where I know minimal information and am always in awe at how much others know.

We mailed our initial application on 5/26/2023. Once they receive it, we receive a phone call from a program manager/admin who will ask further questions to make sure that we're a mutual fit for each other. After that, we start working with a social worker and obtaining a foster license as this will be required as any youth adopted will have the state as their guardian for some period of time even while living with us. 

We're cautiously excited but given prior let downs, also guarded. 

At this point, all we can do is wait - which is a common theme no matter what route we take.