Baby Journey

 This past week a few exciting events have taken place. Our carrier’s medical records have been sent to our fertility clinic and they have approved her to continue moving forward. She now requires blood work and a hysterosalpinogram (HSG). Due to requirements by the FDA, everyone involved in fertility processes must be screened for sexually transmitted infections, although with our process there is no real risk of this impacting each other or the embryo. This is especially true because pregnant patients are already regularly screened for infections that can affect their pregnancies as well as be transferred to the fetus. The HSG is done to ensure that there is no scarring, fibroids, or other abnormalities that could affect the embryos ability to implant correctly. Since our carrier has had vaginal births in the past without complications, the HSG is unlikely to reveal any useful information, however it is still a requirement that our fertility clinic sets forward. Our carrier is sc...

Quick Update!  Last week we met with our potential gestational carrier, her partner, and the surrogacy center. It went very well and all parties have agreed to move forward. Both the gestational carrier and ourselves were sent forms to sign for medical releases among other things. We both sent them back within 24 hours.  Over the next few weeks, the process will continue towards medical clearance on the path to the embryo transfer. There are a few things that we need to accomplish prior to this. While our carrier goes through clearance and screening, Tobias and I have to set up an escrow account . This account will hold the funds meant to pay the carrier fee as well as reimburse her for agreed upon expenses. An escrow account is used to make sure that contracts are being fulfilled as well as avoid any awkward interpersonal situations that money can often cause. We also have to retain an attorney to draft and maintain the parentage agreement. This same attorney will help with c...

Gestational Carrier Match Meeting Today Tobias and I had a meeting with a potential gestational carrier, her partner, and the surrogacy center.  This meeting was set a little over a week ago. As you can imagine, coordinating two couples and two additional schedules was a little cumbersome. Fortunately, the surrogacy center takes care of all of this, you just get to show up.  How does it feel? Initially, I didn't feel that nervous for the meeting, but about fifteen minutes before I started to feel really nauseous and anxious. Part of this definitely could have been that I was on my third cold brew of the day, however the very real desire for this to work out was there. This meeting felt so important; this is the first interaction we would personally have with a possible carrier and her spouse. This meeting was a first impression where the potential carrier decides whether or not she could envision carrying our child and going through a process that is not only mentally, but emo...

What is happening?  Since starting our journey to have a child, Tobias and I have noticed that the process raises many questions from friends, family, and sometimes complete strangers. The path for queer couples, those who struggle with infertility, or those who elect not to use their own reproductive organs for child bearing is often confusing, complicated, and almost mystical to people who are used to the traditional method a heterosexual man and woman pro-creating. Through our early experiences, I've thought about writing all of this down to not only monologue the course to share with our future child(ren), but to keep others updated, informed, and educated on what this process looks like for us.  Adoption versus Surrogacy (More accurately Gestational Carrier) Tobias and I had the good fortune of meeting a doula at a PRIDE event a few years back. At that time, we knew that a baby was still a few years off for us, but her booth grabbed our attention as this was the first mom...