Baby Journey

It has been a long time (almost two years) since I've written anything on this blog. It has been challenging mentally and emotionally to think about the process and experiences we have been through and its associated outcomes. After delaying the second transfer attempt, we ended up having a large financial responsibility that made it unfeasible to continue at that time. Additionally, the fertility center we were working with was very challenging to coordinate with and have complete and accurate information. We were connected with a new center and our single remaining embryo has been transferred there for storage should we want to attempt again in the future. If we do pursue that, it would be like starting from the beginning.  I'm writing now to update everyone on our current endeavor. Last summer, we looked into the potential to foster to adopt. I personally am adopted and this was always an avenue that we thought about pursuing but did not initially for a multitude of reasons,...

It has taken me awhile to figure out how/when to post this information. Our carrier and her husband made the trip to New York for a scheduled embryo transfer on 7/7/2021. She had been taken multiple medications a day, making sure the timing of them were perfect to ensure that her body was physiologically ready. The ultrasound imaging the week prior showed an ideal uterine lining, meaning that it was thick enough that an embryo would find this hospitable and implant.  The day before the transfer, our carrier and her husband spent a long day flying out to NY with a flight delay on the way for a 'light or something else' which was quite ominous. The following morning they presented to the clinic where it sounds as though the bedside manner was not the best. However, her and her husband were actively engaged in the process. Her husband was able to take a few pictures of the ultrasound screen and our carrier during this process and they sent us a photo of the embryo!  This is the c...

 It has been a while since I felt there was enough cumulative information that warranted a blog post. The next week will be full of excitement and hopefully good news. A little over two weeks ago, our gestational carrier had an initial ultrasound and labs to evaluate her baseline exam. Following this, she started taking a mixture of medications that included Estradiol, Azithromycin, Prednisone, Naltrexone, and Tacrolimus, and likely others that I can't recall right now. Some of the medications functions are literally to lower the immune response/inflammatory process within the body to help prevent it from attacking the future embryo. The rest of the medications are meant to help thicken the lining the uterus. For a successful transfer, the uterine lining needs to be thick, this allows the embryo a place to implant and start to grow.  A week after starting the medications, a repeat ultrasound was performed which showed a satisfactory uterine lining. This allowed for the transfe...

Short Update:  Yesterday, after what seemed like weeks of waiting for our attorneys to establish our parentage agreement, all parties officially signed it and our fertility clinic reviewed it early this morning and reached out to our carrier with her next steps. The last few weeks have been incredibly frustrating, so it is a breath of fresh air to reach this point in the process. One of the attorneys was incredibly challenging to work with, possibly overstretching her own schedule without considering the timeline that we are on with respect to all parties involved. It feels good to have the next few steps back between us and the gestational carrier as we are all highly motivated and excited for the process to move forward.  Over the next few weeks, our carrier will take various medications to optimize all conditions for a successful transfer. This does include interesting medications like Naltrexone, typically used to help treat patients with addiction. You can read more about...

 This past week a few exciting events have taken place. Our carrier’s medical records have been sent to our fertility clinic and they have approved her to continue moving forward. She now requires blood work and a hysterosalpinogram (HSG). Due to requirements by the FDA, everyone involved in fertility processes must be screened for sexually transmitted infections, although with our process there is no real risk of this impacting each other or the embryo. This is especially true because pregnant patients are already regularly screened for infections that can affect their pregnancies as well as be transferred to the fetus. The HSG is done to ensure that there is no scarring, fibroids, or other abnormalities that could affect the embryos ability to implant correctly. Since our carrier has had vaginal births in the past without complications, the HSG is unlikely to reveal any useful information, however it is still a requirement that our fertility clinic sets forward. Our carrier is sc...

Quick Update!  Last week we met with our potential gestational carrier, her partner, and the surrogacy center. It went very well and all parties have agreed to move forward. Both the gestational carrier and ourselves were sent forms to sign for medical releases among other things. We both sent them back within 24 hours.  Over the next few weeks, the process will continue towards medical clearance on the path to the embryo transfer. There are a few things that we need to accomplish prior to this. While our carrier goes through clearance and screening, Tobias and I have to set up an escrow account . This account will hold the funds meant to pay the carrier fee as well as reimburse her for agreed upon expenses. An escrow account is used to make sure that contracts are being fulfilled as well as avoid any awkward interpersonal situations that money can often cause. We also have to retain an attorney to draft and maintain the parentage agreement. This same attorney will help with c...

Gestational Carrier Match Meeting Today Tobias and I had a meeting with a potential gestational carrier, her partner, and the surrogacy center.  This meeting was set a little over a week ago. As you can imagine, coordinating two couples and two additional schedules was a little cumbersome. Fortunately, the surrogacy center takes care of all of this, you just get to show up.  How does it feel? Initially, I didn't feel that nervous for the meeting, but about fifteen minutes before I started to feel really nauseous and anxious. Part of this definitely could have been that I was on my third cold brew of the day, however the very real desire for this to work out was there. This meeting felt so important; this is the first interaction we would personally have with a possible carrier and her spouse. This meeting was a first impression where the potential carrier decides whether or not she could envision carrying our child and going through a process that is not only mentally, but emo...

What is happening?  Since starting our journey to have a child, Tobias and I have noticed that the process raises many questions from friends, family, and sometimes complete strangers. The path for queer couples, those who struggle with infertility, or those who elect not to use their own reproductive organs for child bearing is often confusing, complicated, and almost mystical to people who are used to the traditional method a heterosexual man and woman pro-creating. Through our early experiences, I've thought about writing all of this down to not only monologue the course to share with our future child(ren), but to keep others updated, informed, and educated on what this process looks like for us.  Adoption versus Surrogacy (More accurately Gestational Carrier) Tobias and I had the good fortune of meeting a doula at a PRIDE event a few years back. At that time, we knew that a baby was still a few years off for us, but her booth grabbed our attention as this was the first mom...