Will We Match?

Gestational Carrier Match Meeting

Today Tobias and I had a meeting with a potential gestational carrier, her partner, and the surrogacy center. 

This meeting was set a little over a week ago. As you can imagine, coordinating two couples and two additional schedules was a little cumbersome. Fortunately, the surrogacy center takes care of all of this, you just get to show up. 

How does it feel?

Initially, I didn't feel that nervous for the meeting, but about fifteen minutes before I started to feel really nauseous and anxious. Part of this definitely could have been that I was on my third cold brew of the day, however the very real desire for this to work out was there. This meeting felt so important; this is the first interaction we would personally have with a possible carrier and her spouse. This meeting was a first impression where the potential carrier decides whether or not she could envision carrying our child and going through a process that is not only mentally, but emotionally, challenging to grow a life for us. On the other hand, I was worried that our desire to get the show on the road would make us settle, for lack of a better word, on any carrier who was willing to proceed with this process. As the meeting started, these feelings of anxiety quickly changed to excitement and happiness.

The Meeting! 

True to their word, the surrogacy center did a great job selecting a possible carrier for us that seemed to really fit with our initial application, intake information, and psychological evaluation. Within the first few minutes, it was clear that the gestational carrier was just as excited and eager as we are to get the ball rolling. In terms of the gestational carrier herself, I will not be sharing that much information about her as I feel she deserves her right to privacy. Although she will, hopefully, be carrying our future child, she is still an independent, autonomous person. I will say, however, that it is clear that she cares immensely for others and truly loves children. 

Next Steps 

We now wait to see if how the meeting felt was truly reality. Over the next week or so both sides will express their desire to continue or not. Once this agreement is met, our carrier can start making medical appointments for clearance and both of us will meet with lawyers to develop what is called a parentage agreement. There is a standard outline for this. The purpose of this document is to create a framework for our relationship throughout this process. There is wiggle room to alter this, but as I mentioned in my previous post, you have to be reasonable and realistic. Sure, you could try to dictate certain terms, but then why would anyone want to work with you? Fortunately, Tobias and I are very relaxed about our expectations with only one true requirement: take care of our fetus. 

With excitement,

Clinton and Tobias