First Transfer Attempt

It has taken me awhile to figure out how/when to post this information. Our carrier and her husband made the trip to New York for a scheduled embryo transfer on 7/7/2021. She had been taken multiple medications a day, making sure the timing of them were perfect to ensure that her body was physiologically ready. The ultrasound imaging the week prior showed an ideal uterine lining, meaning that it was thick enough that an embryo would find this hospitable and implant. 

The day before the transfer, our carrier and her husband spent a long day flying out to NY with a flight delay on the way for a 'light or something else' which was quite ominous. The following morning they presented to the clinic where it sounds as though the bedside manner was not the best. However, her and her husband were actively engaged in the process.

Her husband was able to take a few pictures of the ultrasound screen and our carrier during this process and they sent us a photo of the embryo! 

This is the cute little embryo. The larger part is the piece that holds the genetic material, and the piece on the bottom left is the portion that would form the placenta after implantation. 

After the transfer, they returned to the hotel and had a chill and relaxing evening to help encourage implantation. Bed rest is a myth, however and is not required. 

For the next 10 days she continued to take medications to help support a successful pregnancy, as she does not have a corpus luteum to sustain this. On 7/15/2021, she had her blood drawn to confirm whether or not the pregnancy took hold. Unfortunately, this came back negative. The transfer failed and there was no pregnancy. 

It was an odd feeling, looking at the picture of the embryo we had already started to love them. Which to me is a strange sensation as I know that at that point it truly is a 'clump of cells' but in this specific scenario it felt like much more. It was meant to be excitement, joy, a future. We had already been talking about this embryo coming home, and who we would stay with in Wisconsin right after the birth while waiting to travel. We had never even thought about 'what if it doesn't work.' 

What ended up being even more surprising to me, was how much our carrier was affected by this outcome. She was upset, sad for us, for her, for the idea of this baby. She experienced a lot of turmoil as well with this outcome. It was eye-opening to realize how invested and how much our carrier wants this to work for us, and to be able to provide us with a child. Part of the emotional toll occurred when considering a second attempt at this time. When we were matched, we knew that our carrier had an upcoming wedding to plan around, and of course who wants to be pregnant during their wedding and/or shortly before? Definitely not me. We figured we would be lucky enough for the first transfer to take and it wouldn't be an issue. However, now we had to talk about the very real reality of having to wait for this wedding. The decision about whether or not to proceed at this time or wait is ultimately up to the carrier, as it is her body, her life. But, as you would expect, anyone who is willing to do this cares deeply about us as well, so it wasn't as simple of a decision as you would think. She dealt with how her decision would affect our lives, our emotions. We waited a few days, while she continued taking the medications just in case, and then we spoke on FaceTime. Tobias and I were playing games on Nintendo Switch and she was sitting outside while her husband was working on a fire. We spoke about how things had all gone, complaining about the poor communication from the clinic, and how sad we all were that this first transfer was unsuccessful. 

Finally, we broached the topic of timeline. Do we try again? Do we wait, knowing that waiting meant that we can't even think about trying again until July/August 2022? She had an upcoming vacation, medications had to be continued and repeat ultrasound/labs, and then if things weren't perfect, the anticipated delivery date very well could be end of April/middle of May which pushes awfully close to her upcoming wedding. You could tell that we all wanted to try again, but we had to be realistic. This is supposed to be a fun and exciting experience, but if we pushed ahead and tried to pack it all in before, it would likely end up stressful, frustrating, hard to coordinate everything (when considering again she and her husband would need time off work to fly back to New York), we all came to the conclusion it was better to wait. 

After the decision was made to wait, many of our friends/family have asked us if we would consider going with another carrier so we don't need to wait. First of all, we can not imagine doing this with anyone other than our current carrier - we absolutely love her. Since being matched, we have texted quite frequently, gone through some emotional decisions, and just became friends. We trust her, we feel safe with the idea of our baby growing inside of her, surrounded by her husband, kids, and supportive family. While waiting to see if the pregnancy took, her little kids would rub her belly and say sweet things - like how could we go with anyone else? Additionally, and more practically, it is not financially feasible. Starting entirely over would be about 15-20k AND you can't guarantee it would be as good of a match personality wise, communication wise, or that the outcomes would be any better. We are sad, but happy, to wait to continue this journey with someone we have grown to care about and trust. 

I'm having a hard time ending this post because I feel like it's all so oversimplified in this, when there are obviously so many more complex emotions, interactions. However, there are a few positives that we can find in this failed transfer and having to wait. It give us time to meet our carrier and her family in person prior to the next attempt, we have more time to save money, get the room ready, and for me to settle into my new job that I will be starting this fall. 

Clinton